|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
Fear of Doctor - 6/23/2009 4:07:30 AM
|
|
|
reebz
Posts: 1652
Joined: 12/6/2008
From: Indiana
Status: online
|
I have an extreme fear of going to the gyno. I am a 21 female who has never had intercourse and have a predisposed risk for breast cancer. I am terrified of the gyno. The thought of it makes me start to shake and begin to cry...
Let me give you some background as to why I think this is.
I had my first pelvic exam about a year or so ago and it was a horrible experience. I had food poisoning and was told I would have to have a pelvic exam immediately to rule out anything else. Without time to mentally or even physically prepare for such a procedure, especially for the first time really did not help the situation.
Even before this, I've never felt comfortable around doctors and have always had this weird shame about my privates...well not necessarily shame but insecurity I 'spose.
Well they start the pelvic exam (in the emergency room mind you, not in a family doctor's office) and used the wrong sized speculum? so they had to go get a child size one and I was crying the whole time because they didn't ask me if I had ever had a pelvic exam before and didn't explain what would happen. They asked mid-exam and then flipped out and were really apologetic but that didn't help.
It may help to know that my counselor/my christian mentor/and several friends suspect I was molested as a child and even if this is still unknown I was in a a sexually assaultive relationship for over a year and had been assaulted by a man prior to the relationship too.
Needless to say, I have no desire to ever have an exam again though I realize the need for it.
So do you have any suggestions or has anyone had a similar experience?
This was really hard for me to share here, but thank you for letting me do so.
-reba.
_____________________________
formerly rebakahblam
<<<<<in a giant shoe in amsterdam
beyond surrendered
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Fear of Doctor - 6/23/2009 4:54:12 AM
|
|
|
Not-Home-Yet
Posts: 472
Joined: 3/26/2009
Status: offline
|
I do always have and still do.... I was sexaully abused as a child I have had counseling but I still have trouble going to the doctors.. canceled my appointment plenty of times.
But I know that God has changed a lot of things in my life because there was a time i wouldn't even go outside my door with out someone with me.
And I know that God has not finshed with me yet I have total trust that I will over come this promble but I know I can't do it with out God.
And I am learning that prayer is a very powerful tool have people you can trust to pray over you and put your trust in God.
That is want I am doing and I have had some very big issues to over come. Which I know God has help me to over come ...... love Jane
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Fear of Doctor - 6/23/2009 4:58:49 AM
|
|
|
manda59
Posts: 7689
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
|
rebakah,
Did the procedure actually hurt, or was it just the whole thing that was distressing to you?
_____________________________
"Manda – I can often skip posting 'cause she's got it covered!", sen10tious, July 2010
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Fear of Doctor - 6/23/2009 5:05:24 AM
|
|
|
reebz
Posts: 1652
Joined: 12/6/2008
From: Indiana
Status: online
|
manda,
the whole thing hurt really bad.
but more than that is was really really distressing.
even just going to get a physical i break out in sweats and start shaking...i get very nervous and sick to my stomach anytime i think about going to the doctor. i usually spend the ride home crying after any doctor visit and i have no idea why.
-reba.
_____________________________
formerly rebakahblam
<<<<<in a giant shoe in amsterdam
beyond surrendered
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Fear of Doctor - 6/23/2009 9:17:47 AM
|
|
|
manda59
Posts: 7689
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: rebakahblam
manda,
the whole thing hurt really bad.
If it hurt, then that can be helped by changing position (ie being on your side) - just to let you know.
I've been in agony before, and it wasn't till one wise nurse mentioned the being on my side thing (because of the angle my uterus is at) that examinations became bearable.
quote:
even just going to get a physical i break out in sweats and start shaking...i get very nervous and sick to my stomach anytime i think about going to the doctor. i usually spend the ride home crying after any doctor visit and i have no idea why.
When was the first time you can remember feeling like that? Was there ever a time when you went to the doctor and it was ok? Do you go to the doctors on your own, or do you ever take anyone with you?
Fears are usually about not feeling in control. Learning how to take control and stand up for yourself will actually make the fear gradually melt away.
_____________________________
"Manda – I can often skip posting 'cause she's got it covered!", sen10tious, July 2010
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Fear of Doctor - 6/23/2009 9:59:40 AM
|
|
|
agapetos
Posts: 7963
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: This side of the lil duck pond!
Status: offline
|
quote:
the whole thing hurt really bad. That may well have been because you were stressed (and therefore very tense).
quote:
but more than that is was really really distressing. I can understand that, physicals aren't fun at the best of times.
quote:
even just going to get a physical i break out in sweats and start shaking...i get very nervous and sick to my stomach anytime i think about going to the doctor. i usually spend the ride home crying after any doctor visit and i have no idea why. Reba, remember that you don't have to undergo any procedure that you don't want to and the hospital should not have put you in that position.
I wonder if you have a family doctor? If so, can I suggest that you go and see them and simply talk about your feelings. If you have a good friend that you confide in, see if they will come too for support or to help you fill in gaps ~ or failing that, write down your feelings to give to your doctor. A good doctor will listen to you and work with you.
_____________________________
Stovie, Stovie, what am I going to do with you!
Maggie
September 09
My blog
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Fear of Doctor - 6/23/2009 3:07:49 PM
|
|
|
wareaglekd
Posts: 440
Joined: 8/9/2006
From: War Eagle Country
Status: offline
|
I can imagine the emergency room experience being tough. I had to go in once for a vaginal infection. The doctor used plastic speculums & I screamed at the top of my lungs. I felt like I was on fire. My gynecologist uses metal which is really much more comfortable.
I would suggest a female gynecologist. They take their time if they know you are having a problem. Take someone to the appointment w/ you that you feel comfortable with who can sit in the waiting room. The worst part is the wait, far more than the exam. I'm 47 & still struggle w/ going for my exam. For many of us, it's quite normal. When you find a gynecologist that understands you, this will take a lot of stress off of you. Check around w/ friends to find out who they recommend. It will get better the more often you go. It's just like getting on stage to sing. After you've performed a few times, it gets easier & easier. Take care! k
_____________________________
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Fear of Doctor - 6/23/2009 4:10:07 PM
|
|
|
solo_soprano24
Posts: 2010
Joined: 4/27/2005
From: I'm a Southern girl
Status: offline
|
My first pap smear still haunts me. I have a pain disorder (hurts if anyone touches me vaginally)-- I tried to explain to the doctor (I was a teenager), but she wasn't interested and basically forced the speculum in... even though my hymen was abnormally small and wouldn't allow it in. The next doctor I went to had to surgically cut my hymen and take some out and didn't really believe the doctor could have forced a speculum to fit into that. 
Later I didn't want to go to a ob/gyn. It hurts when someone touches me and I've had multiple vaginal surgeries that weren't great with the healing aspect (unhealed tissue and pain don't make me eager to want someone touching me there, lol); but it helps if you can find a doctor who you can express these fears to and have them actually take them into account and listen. And they can't force you to have something done if you're not comfortable with it yet. Some women just hurt when they get paps, but yours may have been from a rough doctor, etc.; I know some fear going back because they don't want to feel that pain, and it happens every time they go. But I think much depends on why exactly you are afraid. It can be traumatic/painful, but I've found that (if it hurts physically) finding a way to cope with it mentally in the moment helps. I've had more "gentleness" with male doctors myself, but whatever the sex of the doctor, make sure they listen and take your feelings into account. There ARE caring docs out there, but you have to find them. :) Not all of them are in a hurry to get to the next person; I've had several Christian ob/gyn's who are very caring and compassionate (and several who weren't religious at all). If you do have something done, see if the person isn't rushing with you and causing the procedure to be rougher than it needs to be. (I imagine an emergency room would be more likely to be rough.) Also, make sure you talk! If it helps to have someone with you, certainly take someone. I'm usually one to keep things to myself, but sometimes you have to be a bit bolder when dealing with (some) healthcare professionals, because, like anyone else, they can try to override what it is you want... or what you have refused.
_____________________________
For God, For Learning, Forever.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Fear of Doctor - 6/23/2009 6:19:37 PM
|
|
|
reebz
Posts: 1652
Joined: 12/6/2008
From: Indiana
Status: online
|
quote:
Have you considered a midwife?
I had not ever heard that this was even an option. I'll have to check it out!
-reba.
_____________________________
formerly rebakahblam
<<<<<in a giant shoe in amsterdam
beyond surrendered
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Fear of Doctor - 6/23/2009 6:23:21 PM
|
|
|
reebz
Posts: 1652
Joined: 12/6/2008
From: Indiana
Status: online
|
quote:
When was the first time you can remember feeling like that?
I've just always felt this way. I can't remember when it began.
quote:
Was there ever a time when you went to the doctor and it was ok?
I think when I got normal immunizations as a small kid and my mom was there I was fine.
quote:
Do you go to the doctors on your own, or do you ever take anyone with you?
I usually go by myself. I am too ashamed to have someone along even to a physical. I am a very proud sort and for whatever reason have always shyed away from doctors and covered this fear up.
Complicating my already weird fear of doctors with the emergency room experience, the very very attractive doctor had trouble..and just remarked that i had a very deep set cervix and never explained what that means so now on top of my already inherent shame about my nether regions i worry that there's something wrong with the insides of my privates too.
I don't know why it has such a grip on me but it seems to and I would be well and fine to never walk into a doctor's office again though I know that's not the most prudent thing.
-reba.
_____________________________
formerly rebakahblam
<<<<<in a giant shoe in amsterdam
beyond surrendered
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Fear of Doctor - 6/23/2009 6:27:54 PM
|
|
|
reebz
Posts: 1652
Joined: 12/6/2008
From: Indiana
Status: online
|
quote:
Reba, remember that you don't have to undergo any procedure that you don't want to and the hospital should not have put you in that position.
The lady at the campus clinic told me to rush to hospital and made it sound like my appendix or my ovaries were about to burst so being panicked like that before hand didn't help when the "we would really like to fiddle with metal instruments in your womanly bits" announcement came. The strange part about this is that my mom was there (well she didn't go in the room with me..I would die if someone ever came into the room with me seriously) - she was the nurse on call at the time I came in and she was like I really think you should get it...I didn't feel pressured directly necessarily but I was like well we're going to have to pay a co-pay regardless and I don't want there to be something else wrong..it all sounded very much like I HAD to do this or at least SHOULD so I did and it was horrible and I never want to have to again.
quote:
I wonder if you have a family doctor?
On top of battling my own fears I have to battle insurance all the time so I don't really have a family doctor. This past year was the first time in maybe 6 years I'd had a physical...due to my own fear and the insurance issues.
I just want to get over this fear because I need to. Maybe talking to a physician about it will help but honestly I'd rather suffer in silence because I'm so ashamed of all of these feelings/fears and I have no idea why. I think I might investigate the midwife route...it seems interesting and might be easier.
-reba.
_____________________________
formerly rebakahblam
<<<<<in a giant shoe in amsterdam
beyond surrendered
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Fear of Doctor - 6/23/2009 6:32:33 PM
|
|
|
agapetos
Posts: 7963
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: This side of the lil duck pond!
Status: offline
|
Reba ~ I don't think you're alone in your feelings. I know that facing your fears (ie talking to someone) about them isn't going to be easy, but I do believe that if you do so you things will be much easier for you in the future.
_____________________________
Stovie, Stovie, what am I going to do with you!
Maggie
September 09
My blog
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Fear of Doctor - 6/23/2009 6:33:38 PM
|
|
|
reebz
Posts: 1652
Joined: 12/6/2008
From: Indiana
Status: online
|
quote:
it helps if you can find a doctor who you can express these fears to and have them actually take them into account and listen. And they can't force you to have something done if you're not comfortable with it yet. Some women just hurt when they get paps, but yours may have been from a rough doctor, etc.; I know some fear going back because they don't want to feel that pain, and it happens every time they go. But I think much depends on why exactly you are afraid. It can be traumatic/painful, but I've found that (if it hurts physically) finding a way to cope with it mentally in the moment helps. I've had more "gentleness" with male doctors myself, but whatever the sex of the doctor, make sure they listen and take your feelings into account. There ARE caring docs out there, but you have to find them. :) Not all of them are in a hurry to get to the next person; I've had several Christian ob/gyn's who are very caring and compassionate (and several who weren't religious at all). If you do have something done, see if the person isn't rushing with you and causing the procedure to be rougher than it needs to be. (I imagine an emergency room would be more likely to be rough.) Also, make sure you talk! If it helps to have someone with you, certainly take someone. I'm usually one to keep things to myself, but sometimes you have to be a bit bolder when dealing with (some) healthcare professionals, because, like anyone else, they can try to override what it is you want... or what you have refused.
thank you so much for all of this advice..all of you. i am definitely going to try some of these suggestions and start doing some research.
-reba.
_____________________________
formerly rebakahblam
<<<<<in a giant shoe in amsterdam
beyond surrendered
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Fear of Doctor - 6/23/2009 7:03:19 PM
|
|
|
agapetos
Posts: 7963
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: This side of the lil duck pond!
Status: offline
|
quote:
and screens that you can change behind You don't have those as standard? Last time I had a gynae hosp appointment, I saw the consultant in his office and when I needed the exam, I went with the nurse into another room and she pulled a screen across and when I was ready, she opened the door to let the doctor in! Even with my GP, there is a screen which she or I pull across when I'm getting ready for/having the exam.
I can't imagine it otherwise.
I second the 'easy access' skirt. I tend to wear a long top because it's generally easier to take my skirt off than hitch it up.
_____________________________
Stovie, Stovie, what am I going to do with you!
Maggie
September 09
My blog
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Fear of Doctor - 6/23/2009 7:20:18 PM
|
|
|
manda59
Posts: 7689
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: rebakahblam
Complicating my already weird fear of doctors with the emergency room experience, the very very attractive doctor had trouble..and just remarked that i had a very deep set cervix and never explained what that means so now on top of my already inherent shame about my nether regions i worry that there's something wrong with the insides of my privates too.
Hey, join the club! We can be the two founder members of the "Deep-Set Cervix Club!" Only mine is deep-set *and* tilted, so there!! 
"deep-set" just means a long way back (for me they have to use an extra long speculum to get anywhere near it). Mine is tilted up and back as well, which means it's even harder to find! (When I was younger I lost count of the times I had people with their arm practically in up to their elbow (or at least that's what it felt like) saying "hmm, I can't seem to find your cervix - where is it?" - as if I'd be able to give them directions!! 
Being tensed up could have caused some of the discomfort you suffered, but having a cervix which is a long way back could have led them to have to "poke around" and that could definitely have caused some pain. If yours is tilted as well, like mine, then the way you are laying can be significant. Laying on my back with a speculum inside just doesn't work for me (it's agonising) but laying on my side, things seem to "settle" a different way, and it's miles better.
My "deep-set cervix" (and believe me it is - the last doctor to do a smear for me remarked "wow, that IS a long way back", as if it was particularly uncommon!) has served me just fine for almost 50 years. My smears have always been clear, and I have also had two children (now 19 and 15).
So please, at least on that account, WORRY NO MORE!! 
_____________________________
"Manda – I can often skip posting 'cause she's got it covered!", sen10tious, July 2010
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Fear of Doctor - 7/6/2009 8:09:54 PM
|
|
|
Jess77
Posts: 188
Joined: 1/26/2008
From: Deep in the heart of Texas
Status: offline
|
I have always had a disslike, and really, a general miss-trust for doctors. Mine stems probably from when my older brother got sick and died from leukemia when I was 13. Even so, I almost always refuse to go to them. I always say that unless I am on death's door, I will not go to the doctor. I don't like pain. The thought of surgery terrifies me, etc. I did go to my gyn. about 7 years ago, however, when I missed my period for 6 mos. straight. I was a virgin so I knew I wasn't pregnant. But I was worried that it could be something serious. I googled it and talked with friends to find out exactly what to expect at my first appointment. I told my dr. that I had never had an exam before and she was very nice and slow with me, telling me everything she was doing and letting me know where her hands were the whole time and what she was about to touch. Yes, I found it extremely embarassing. I was the 3 year old child who, in dancing recitals, used to make her mother hold up a towel and turn her head while I changed costumes. If any cleavage shows at all on me, I panic. I am highly modest. lol The thing that got me through it initially was that I kept reminding myself that I was only one of probably hundreds, maybe even thousands, of women she has seen. To her, it was just her job. no different than a veterinarian, or a surgeon, or a podiatrist. Also, being a woman, she has to get the same stuff done that I was having done. Did it help? Only somewhat. I didn't go back for another exam for 7 years. I finally did go back in April of this year because I decided that it was my responsibility and no one else's to take care of my body. No one could make do it and no one would do it for me. I had to do it for myself, and that meant checking to make sure everything was healthy. I was actually looking forward to it. Turns out, everything was not healthy, so now I am very glad I did go. I have had 2 sonograms since April and those were difficult at first to get through too, but with each one I am reminded that God is in control and He is helping me through. I am also now looking at having a biopsy done week after next. I am very nervous about that because I don't know what to expect. What I am finding though, is that when I am at the end of my rope and have gone the farthest I can possibly go... taking all that I can possibly stand, Christ is there with me to help me through. I am terrified of the biopsy, but I know I will be okay.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Fear of Doctor - 8/5/2009 6:15:28 PM
|
|
|
pink_becca3
Posts: 143
Joined: 7/29/2009
From: Iowa but living in a different state currently.
Status: offline
|
I had to go to the doctor. It was a guy and i had a vaginal infection! It was really embaressing because he had to look at me! I haven't gone to the doctor sense and i am still upset about it. so don't feel that you are the only one that doesn't like to go to the doctor.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Fear of Doctor - 8/6/2009 9:25:23 AM
|
|
|
wareaglekd
Posts: 440
Joined: 8/9/2006
From: War Eagle Country
Status: offline
|
You think that's bad. Try going to the emergency room w/ a vag infection. Unfortunately, I had one late on a Friday night, so I had no choice. I waited for hours to be examined, just to wind up being examined by the doctor I volunteer w/ at the local crisis pregnancy clinic. He used plastic speculums instead of metal & I must have screamed all the way to the top of the hospital! I was on fire! Not a very good experience, but then again, I guess everyone in the ER is screaming, so they wouldn't have known the difference. k
_____________________________
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Fear of Doctor - 8/6/2009 1:56:31 PM
|
|
|
pink_becca3
Posts: 143
Joined: 7/29/2009
From: Iowa but living in a different state currently.
Status: offline
|
Yeah at least i am not the only one!!!!!!!!
|
|
|
|
 New Messages |
 No New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/ New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/o New Messages |
 Locked w/ New Messages |
 Locked w/o New Messages |
|
 Post New Thread
Reply to Message
Post New Poll
Submit Vote
Delete My Own Post
Delete My Own Thread
Rate Posts |
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
, handsewn exam gowns taht cover more than hospital gowns (and they'll also let you just keep your clothes on if you have an "easy access" skirt or something), and screens that you can change behind. I know not all midwife practices are like that but it would truly be worth checking out. Just being somewhere other than a place you associate with trauma (dr office) might help you settle down about it a little.
