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Friend always "plays devil's advocate" What t... - 1/23/2009 4:19:13 PM
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oneGodonename
Posts: 48
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She is starting to get on my nerve. Everytime I give her some information about a guy that is interested in me and if there's the slightest hint that he has imperfections, all that comes out of her mouth is negative stuff. Should I just stop telling her stuff?
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RE: Friend always "plays devil's advocate" Wh... - 1/23/2009 4:27:23 PM
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pumpkin
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try starting out with something like "please don't concentrate on what you might think is a negative. I like this guy, and I'm wanting to share that with you." Maybe she just doesn't realize how negatively you perceive her comments.
If that doesn't help, I would cautiously share with her. Meaning I would pick and choose what I shared with her.
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RE: Friend always "plays devil's advocate" Wh... - 1/24/2009 5:58:16 PM
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lynnmoon
Posts: 223
Joined: 4/12/2005
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quote:
Should I just stop telling her stuff?
Unless she is your only or very best friend, I'd say yes. If she immediately jumps to the negative, I wouldn't tell her things unless I'm LOOKING for the potential negatives.
But that's just me.
_____________________________
Lynn
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
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RE: Friend always "plays devil's advocate" Wh... - 2/7/2009 2:07:49 AM
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Kath
Posts: 17385
Joined: 2/28/2005
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Moving from Women Only to Relationships
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RE: Friend always "plays devil's advocate" Wh... - 2/7/2009 6:22:31 PM
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SonInMe1
Posts: 1917
Joined: 4/16/2005
From: my mom by God
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Ask for advice...and you get it.
_____________________________
You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.
James 4:4
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RE: Friend always "plays devil's advocate" Wh... - 2/8/2009 3:29:07 AM
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rgod
Posts: 1857
Joined: 4/25/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: oneGodonename
She is starting to get on my nerve. Everytime I give her some information about a guy that is interested in me and if there's the slightest hint that he has imperfections, all that comes out of her mouth is negative stuff. Should I just stop telling her stuff?
I have a friend who is like this. She is one of my closest, but this is a major flaw. I pray about this in her because I know she is trying to overcome this tendency. In the past few months there have been huge changes in her because she's addressing the root cause of her tendency to criticize - I'm very proud of her and am trying to be encouraging and loving towards her as she goes through this very painful process.
In the meantime, there are some things that I don't share with her. If I meet someone and the relationship is in a fragile place, I don't share it with her - but instead with someone else who will be able to see things a bit more objectively. I bring her up to speed over time after I've solidified my thoughts and feelings, but not before. In time as she addresses these issues within herself, I'll be able to share more. But for now, I have to be wise in my conversations and dealings with her.
So in your case, yes, I would just stop telling her about guys, relationships, jobs, or anything else where lots of criticism could sway my ability to see things objectively. Instead, I'd surround myself with positive people who can also be objective. You need people in your life who can point out positives AND negatives. We don't always see things clearly. If she is a close friend of yours, then consider whether you should maintain the relationship and draw boundaries. You might want to consider talking to her - she might not even be aware of her negative tendency. Regardless - if she is a close friend or not, you can also pray for her on this issue. As Christians, we should pray for one another. She might have an issue with men - particularly if this is the only thing that she is negative about. Or she might have been criticized a lot as a kid and never really learned how to not be critical. In any event, you still need to make sure that you have proper boundaries in place.
_____________________________
The Way Out Is In
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RE: Friend always "plays devil's advocate" Wh... - 2/9/2009 12:41:18 PM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 437
Joined: 11/28/2005
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Realize the limitations in your friendship with her-
she's not someone you can share that kind of
info with unless you want to get negative responses all the time.
Work on building a friendship with someone who's
a bit more encouraging... too many negative people in
your life is a downer.
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