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Hypothethical--how would you handle this? - 11/9/2009 9:54:35 PM
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creationtalk
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Suppose a teenage (extended/by marriage) family member molested an other (extended/by marriage) family member 8-10 years younger:
1) What penalties do you feel the molester should face?
2) Would your answer change if the molester was your child?
3) If the victim were your child, how would you respond to (extended/by marriage) family members who believed that the molester should be treated leniently?
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RE: Hypothethical--how would you handle this? - 11/9/2009 10:19:11 PM
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Kat_D
Posts: 1978
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
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quote:
ORIGINAL: creationtalk
Suppose a teenage (extended/by marriage) family member molested an other (extended/by marriage) family member 8-10 years younger:
1) What penalties do you feel the molester should face?
2) Would your answer change if the molester was your child?
3) If the victim were your child, how would you respond to (extended/by marriage) family members who believed that the molester should be treated leniently?
1. Prison
2. No
3. I would protect my child from those family members at all costs. It proves they are just as sick as the molester.
I have zero tolerance.
_____________________________
~Kat
"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
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RE: Hypothethical--how would you handle this? - 11/10/2009 1:54:45 AM
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herestoresmysoul
Posts: 2173
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We have had sexual abuse in my own family and I have to say that if it was a once off case of touching rather than rape it is highly unlikely that the one who did it would go to jail, or that it would ever go to court. Even if happened a few times and it was touching and not rape the same would apply.Unlikely that prison would result.
If it were my kids who were abused I would make sure never to go and see that person ever again.
If it were my kid who abused, of course I woudnt want anything bad to happen to my child but that is bacuase I am a mother who loves my children.What mother would ?
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RE: Hypothethical--how would you handle this? - 11/10/2009 8:40:17 AM
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mrtigger
Posts: 287
Joined: 4/12/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: creationtalk
Suppose a teenage (extended/by marriage) family member molested an other (extended/by marriage) family member 8-10 years younger:
1) What penalties do you feel the molester should face?
2) Would your answer change if the molester was your child?
3) If the victim were your child, how would you respond to (extended/by marriage) family members who believed that the molester should be treated leniently?
It is always a serious thing but my opinion of appropriate penalty would depend somewhat on the deed that was meant by "molested". "Molested" could mean anything from something like patting someones private area through clothing all the way to rape.
In any event my opinion of the proper penalty would be the same for whether my child was the molestee or molester.
It is common for persons to want leniency for themselves and their loved ones when they have done wrong but want harsh penalties for others who have wronged them that same way. That kind of double standard is disgusting but it is quite common nonetheless.
3) I would disconnect relations from them entirely.
_____________________________
Tom
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RE: Hypothethical--how would you handle this? - 11/10/2009 12:15:25 PM
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Ps103
Posts: 12978
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From: Here, now
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Moving this from Relationships to Morality & Ethics.
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Fasten your seatbelts...it's going to be a bumpy night.
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RE: Hypothethical--how would you handle this? - 11/10/2009 1:24:52 PM
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StephK
Posts: 2587
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Southwest Louisiana
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quote:
ORIGINAL: creationtalk
Suppose a teenage (extended/by marriage) family member molested an other (extended/by marriage) family member 8-10 years younger:
1) What penalties do you feel the molester should face?
2) Would your answer change if the molester was your child?
3) If the victim were your child, how would you respond to (extended/by marriage) family members who believed that the molester should be treated leniently?
1) The same as any other perp who abuses a young child. 8-10 years younger is a bad sign.
2) No, if anything I would demand the courts be very tough in order to teach the teen that his/her behavior will not be tolerated at all. I believe if harsher penalties were doled out the first time these kids perp they might have a better chance of changing their behaviors. As it is now most first time offenders get a slap on the wrist and basically learn to get away with it. If a child is under 18 this won't be on their record usually after they reach the age of majority.
3) I would not let the parents manipulate the situation with guilt trips. See number 2 above.
_____________________________
Stephanie
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. ~~Proverbs 14:30 NIV~~
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RE: Hypothethical--how would you handle this? - 11/10/2009 9:39:28 PM
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MrFribbles
Posts: 2113
Joined: 1/29/2007
From: Hawaii, but I've moved around since then
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I agree with the majority of the posters here. There should be no favoritism based on relationship.
This actually reminds me of numerous people I've met who tell me stories of all the activities their family is involved in - drug use, theft, and other illegal activities. I always wonder what keeps these people from informing the police. It's a mindset that is alien to me.
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RE: Hypothethical--how would you handle this? - 11/10/2009 10:02:45 PM
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Kerrlaw
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From: Big Orange Country
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I run into this situation often in my work. It is impossible to comment on a specific penalty without knowing what the OP means by "molested", the age and mental condition of the defendant, and many other specifics. Regardless of the facts, intensive counseling would almost surely be appropriate.
My answers would not change if the molester were my child.
I would try to educate family members who want leniency about the devastating long term effects of being a victim. I know of many cases where a family minimized sexual assault within the family unit, to the great detriment of the victim.
_____________________________
That which does not kill us makes us fatter. ~ crankius
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RE: Hypothethical--how would you handle this? - 11/10/2009 11:10:13 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
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Unfortunately this is not a hypothetical situation in our family. The offender is my 13yo BIL, who molested our niece(who was 4) last August. It's been a rough and hairy ride for the entire family since then.
1) What penalties do you feel the molester should face?
Everything that is justifiable under the state law.
2) Would your answer change if the molester was your child?
No.
3) If the victim were your child, how would you respond to (extended/by marriage) family members who believed that the molester should be treated leniently?
My FIL did not want to report the incident to the police, nor does he think that that BIL will ever "offend" again since he has "repented". The whole thing makes me  Honestly, we are very picky about when DD is left in their care because of the lack of judgment they have shown in regard to the entire situation. I couldn't, at this point, really care less about who wanted what done when the situation first came to light. It's the lack of belief that anything could happen again that puts my DD(and the the other children) at the greatest risk.
_____________________________
Ryanne- trying hard to be my husband's girlfriend and my daughter's mother.
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RE: Hypothethical--how would you handle this? - 11/10/2009 11:20:24 PM
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Liveloved
Posts: 2016
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: creationtalk
Suppose a teenage (extended/by marriage) family member molested an other (extended/by marriage) family member 8-10 years younger:
1) What penalties do you feel the molester should face?
2) Would your answer change if the molester was your child?
3) If the victim were your child, how would you respond to (extended/by marriage) family members who believed that the molester should be treated leniently?
1) The penalties any person committing a crime against another person would face.
2) If the molester was my child I would turn them in and testify so they received their due punishment.
3) I would speak truth in love, telling them the importance of severe consequences for such vile behavior.
My response would be the same no matter who was involved. The sin/crime does not change depending upon 'who' the person is. We need to get over the 'walk a mile in my shoes' and treat wrongdoing as wrongdoing period.
We are reaping what we have sown in this culture.
_____________________________
Liveloved
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
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RE: Hypothethical--how would you handle this? - 11/11/2009 12:26:36 AM
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PitaKat
Posts: 352
Joined: 7/23/2009
From: Eastern WA
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I have an older male relative who was convicted of molestation of a child. He was not a teenager, but an adult. He did time in prison.
quote:
1) What penalties do you feel the molester should face?
2) Would your answer change if the molester was your child?
3) If the victim were your child, how would you respond to (extended/by marriage) family members who believed that the molester should be treated leniently?
1. Everything justifiable under the law. Zero tolerance.
2. No. Actions have consequences, doesn't matter if its my child or not. I would be praying a lot for a heart-change though.
3. I have family members who still have and want me to still have a relationship with the relative mentioned at the beginning of my post. I don't have any realtionship with him, but I still have a relationship with all other family members. If my child had been victimized though, I would cut any family members who wanted lenient treatment out of our lives.
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RE: Hypothethical--how would you handle this? - 11/11/2009 3:42:20 AM
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tacitus
Posts: 2291
Joined: 5/12/2005
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I think it one is being honest, unless you have been put in the position of having one of your teens molest a younger child, then you can't say for certain what you would do. The best of intentions go out the window when your loved ones are involved and I am sure the first impulse is always to see if one can fix it yourself.
Remember, these days even minors have to be put on sex offender lists, and in many cases they stay on it for life, so turning them in could could easily mean that they will never be able to find a job or ever lead a normal life.
Also, unless it a heinous act of some kind, there could be uncertainty in the parent's mind if it was something that couldn't be nipped in the bud and not happen again. It's a terrible position to be in, no doubt, and it's not hard to see why many parents would want to believe the best of their own child, even if they are the offender.
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RE: Hypothethical--how would you handle this? - 11/11/2009 5:46:20 PM
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zoebob
Posts: 7151
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: land of limbo
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Would anyone's answer changed if the offender, a teen remember, was a victim themselves who had never received counseling, etc.
_____________________________
L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: Hypothethical--how would you handle this? - 11/11/2009 6:03:22 PM
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StephK
Posts: 2587
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Southwest Louisiana
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To be honest, no. Simply because of the fact that if this issue isn't dealt with firmly then chances are they will reoffend. Most teens will have their records expunged at the age of majority. It's better to face the consequences while there is a chance to truly change the behavior. They more than likely would receive whatever counseling they needed since this would be handled in the juvenile courts.
_____________________________
Stephanie
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. ~~Proverbs 14:30 NIV~~
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RE: Hypothethical--how would you handle this? - 11/11/2009 11:25:35 PM
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SovereignIsHe
Posts: 4083
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From: Truth Project
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1. Life sentense or death
2. No... I would be more incensed...
3. Part ways with them... They support pedophilia
My 18 year old nephew raped two of my children.. Ages 8 and 10... He initially was given a year in county jail (for 12 counts which of course were pleaded down to four counts….) Thankfully the unremorseful fool didn’t follow through with the probation and was later sentence to 13+ years in prison…
_____________________________
John
Proverbs 12:10 A righteous man regardeth the life of his beast: but the tender mercies of the wicked are cruel.
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RE: Hypothethical--how would you handle this? - 11/11/2009 11:32:50 PM
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SovereignIsHe
Posts: 4083
Joined: 4/15/2005
From: Truth Project
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quote:
ORIGINAL: zoebob
Would anyone's answer changed if the offender, a teen remember, was a victim themselves who had never received counseling, etc.
No... I was raped as a child... No counseling( I was afraid my parents would go to prison for killing the men who raped me...) and my only desire was to do anything I could to keep it from happening to my children... Of course you cannot help if a close family member betrays your trust...
Being a victim of the rape I knew the pain and I wouldn't wish it on anyone else nor did I have desire to seek out children... Just the opposite...
I personally believe its worse for a victim to carry out what was done to them on another...
_____________________________
John
Proverbs 12:10 A righteous man regardeth the life of his beast: but the tender mercies of the wicked are cruel.
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RE: Hypothethical--how would you handle this? - 11/11/2009 11:35:33 PM
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SovereignIsHe
Posts: 4083
Joined: 4/15/2005
From: Truth Project
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Kerrlaw
I would try to educate family members who want leniency about the devastating long term effects of being a victim. I know of many cases where a family minimized sexual assault within the family unit, to the great detriment of the victim.
Sadly too many people are more worried about image than the victim's needs...
_____________________________
John
Proverbs 12:10 A righteous man regardeth the life of his beast: but the tender mercies of the wicked are cruel.
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